What makes you angry? Is it people or situations? Is it injustice or insults? Is it poor decisions or policy?
None of these things makes you angry. For that matter, none of these things makes you upset, jealous, anxious, or worried. Only you make yourself feel this way. The real cause of any of your irritations is your opinions, feelings, and emotions.
So much lies within your own reasoned choice if you but merely stay conscious of your reasoning, of your emotions, and correctly ascribe them to where they belong – within you.
Choose not to feel harmed, and then you’re not harmed. Easier said than done, but so much of what irritates, angers, creates jealousy in, and builds anxiety in you comes from you.
What should you do to be aware of this? Robert Greene says in The Laws of Human Nature that rational people are aware that emotions impact thinking and are at least somewhat able to analyze them and adjust. Here are three strategies he suggests:
Recognize Your Biases: Think about the many ways your own biases impact your reasoning:
- Confirmation/Conviction: You believe it so strongly it must be true.
- Appearance: You are influenced by your perception of other people.
- Group: You conform to the group (Yes, you do).
- Superiority: You think that you are more rational, ethical, etc. than others.
- Blame: You don’t learn from your mistakes. You blame.
Beware of Your Inflaming Factors: Some factors heighten your emotions. Trigger points from childhood may inflame our emotions from wounds or behavior patterns. Sudden gains or sudden losses both create irrational reactions. Rising pressure does the same. There are “Inflaming Individuals” who, by their charisma (charming or not), attract or repulse you and thereby impact your emotions. Finally, you need to be aware that you behave differently in large groups (see above).
Bring out Your Rational Self: Know yourself. Accept people as facts and stop trying to change them or resist them. Radically accept human nature and then work to understand it. Think about reasoning and emotion as a horse and rider: The horse runs wild with emotion and the rider guides; both are required.