Any time you are in a leadership position, whether it’s in education, community service, business, your church, or even in a volunteer organization, you are a target of criticism. It’s just the way it is. You’re not the exception, either.
Sounds negative, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Unfortunately, it’s a downside of the calling to serve others through your leadership. How you respond, or more accurately, how you interpret what you hear or see, is the key to preserving your peace of mind.
The great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Do away with the opinion I am harmed, and the harm is cast away too.” He says you choose whether you feel hurt by criticism, comments, or actions. The truth is you decide when you are hurt by how you choose to interpret the words and actions of another. If you decide you are not harmed, then you are not.
So often, our default interpretation of another’s actions, words, or events reveals our biases and how we look at things to make sense of the world around us. If your default interpretation is that others are “out to get you,” you will react defensively and in other detrimental ways. You have to separate fact from feeling.
I struggled with this in leadership. It took me a long time to separate fact from feeling. My feeling at times was that any criticism was directed at me personally. You have undoubtedly had the same feelings. The fact is that people don’t think about you as you convince yourself they do. The fact is also that it’s none of your business what other people think about you.
Here are some suggestions to help you choose not to be harmed and to separate fact from feeling:
- Limit your personal exposure to social media. This one’s obvious. Social media is a cesspool of negativity and criticism of those in leadership or public positions.
- Keep people in your life who call you to account. A few close friends and a mentor (we all need mentors regardless of our age/experience) can be extremely helpful when you find yourself in a pool of negativity.
- Work on your spiritual life. Develop daily habits of prayer, meditation, journaling, etc.
- Know and understand your “why.” What is your purpose? Who do you serve? How do you serve?
- Live with intention. What is your focus or personal mission? What are the five or so most important areas of your life around which you have goals and plan your days?
- Work on your physical condition. When you have healthy habits, it helps everything else come into better focus.
I myself have gotten so much out of daily prayer and meditation, along with a journaling process. I am also getting a lot out of studying philosophy, specifically Stoicism (hence the Marcus Aurelius quote.).
If you want to know my journaling process, reach out to me. I’ll happily share it with you. I’ve got ideas for you to help you with knowing and understanding your “why” and also your team.
In the meantime, know that you are the one who decides when you are harmed and that you can separate fact from feeling. When you do that, you will begin to discover freedom.